Gosh, but we're happy to have you, Vachon
Getting inside of our heads
Even though you can't replace our dead Don,
We'd rather have you in our beds.
Tracy's a waste of your exquisite bod
Heck, she's scarcely out of her teens
And though you can be an insensitive clod
You're free to get into our jeans!
No one sucks like Vachon
Scorns big bucks like Vachon
In between the sheets, nobody f's like Vachon
There's no one as sexy or scruffy
As much of a flirt or a tease
And before you go getting all huffy
We like it, we like it, keep doing it please!
No one flies like Vachon
Fakes demise like Vachon
No one else has those dreamy brown eyes like Vachon!
As a specimen, he is exhilarating
My what a guy, Vachon!
Give five cute smirks, give twelve
Vachon is our vamp, any other guy stinks!
No one awes like Vachon
Ignores laws like Vachon
No one backs an impossible cause like Vachon!
He bites first and asks questions later
It's okay; he's got whammy to spare.
Though the Inca would call him a traitor
His voice is so sultry, we really don't care!
No one mends like Vachon
Bucks cool trends like Vachon
No one else has weird rat-sucking friends like Vachon!
He's especially good at exsanguinating
My what a guy, Vachon!
He misses the days when the ladies were free,
Never mind were they slutty or pure.
But now, if his lust goes too far, he can see
The Enforcers will get him for sure!
No one scowls like Vachon
No one growls like Vachon
No one looks as good dressed just in towels as Vachon!
Uses coffins in all of his decorating
My what a guy, Vachon!
Vachon isn't known for his thinking
He tends to react off the cuff
And though he gets teased for his
His image is urban and tough.
His next career might be a rock-and-roll star
He fits the grunge role to a tee
And though we know Fred really plays the guitar
His faking is charming to see!
No one bites like Vachon
Avoids light like Vachon
No one aggravates Nicholas Knight like Vachon!
And his presence Vaqueras are celebrating
We're glad you're here, Vachon!
( heavy sigh )
