"Ah, so you decided to come in. I was beginning to wonder if you were trying to see whether you could make a trench just by walking."
"Wait a minute! How did you know what I was doing? I was too close to the church to be seen from the windows."
Vachon smiled as he tapped his ear. "Your heartbeat. It's even louder than usual right now, and a lot faster." He grew more serious as he said, "But I don't need any special senses to tell me something's bothering you. What's up?"
Tracy tried to look at him, but found it impossible to say what she must while doing so, so she let her gaze wander down to the envelope she held in her hands.
"I came over to say ... well really to give ... I'm sorry ... I can't! Here!" She shoved the envelope into Vachon's hands and ran out of the church.
Vachon briefly considered going after her, but decided it would be better to read the note first. No perfume on it, he noted with disappointment as he opened the envelope and took out the letter. It was, of course, in Tracy's very feminine handwriting: large looping letters with hollow dots over the i's. "Hmm ... I would have thought her the type to dot her i's with hearts."
Vachon,
I'm sorry to tell you all of this in writing, but when we're together, I can never say what I want to; somehow, I get lost in your eyes and your charm. And that, really, is the problem: I get lost.
You see, I'm just beginning to find out who I am, outside of being Daddy's daughter. I think that's one of the things that drew me to you.... You were one of the first people I ever met who didn't care who my father was, and who was not influenced by him. And yet you cared about me enough to try to help me out of difficult situations, sometimes even when I didn't want you to. That's really meant a lot to me.
So what is the problem? I don't know.... No, that's not true. I do know, but I don't want to admit it, not even to myself. But it's time for me to do so. Some time back, I said that I didn't think I liked you any more, and I meant it. I still do, or part of it: there are times that you can be so caring, so gentle, so sweet, that I thank my lucky star I know you. I've never before met anyone as charming, or with as delightful a sense of humour, as you.
But there's your other side. You do things I know to be wrong; things that, when we're apart, fill me with revulsion. And yet, when we're together, somehow you make me believe that it is I who am wrong, that my world view is too sheltered (which I know it is, but not necessarily in that way). All my beliefs of good and bad get turned upside down, until I no longer know what I believe. I think one set of thoughts when I'm with you, and completely different ones when we're apart. And that scares me.
I no longer know who I am anymore. I used to be just Daddy's daughter. Then, just when I've finally started to become something more than that, I find myself changing into your ... what? What exactly am I to you, anyway? Well, I find myself taking on your views despite myself. And there's a part of me that says it's a small enough price to pay for your companionship. But I know that's not the part I should be listening to.
Vachon, I am torn. But the bottom line is, the time I spend with you gives me more pain than it does pleasure. I had known all along that there was a possibility of my losing my life to Vachon, the vampire. But only now am I discovering that the real danger was that I would lose my self to Vachon, the man. I am truly sorry, but I can't go on like this. I wanted to let you know why I won't be coming to see you anymore. If I find myself in the Raven on business, please don't come speak with me.... It would hurt too much. I care about you a great deal, but I can not -- I must not -- remain...
Yours,
Tracy